he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
