Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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