I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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