alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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