Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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