if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cannot find my penis.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
