I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
