he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
