I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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