??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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