I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
