I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
