Yo dont text me then not text me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
