Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
