I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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