I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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