bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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