why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
