i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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