One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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