glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
