theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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