What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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