So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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