dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
