I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
