haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
