oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
