Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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