I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
