I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
