She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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