did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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