I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
