who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
