How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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