How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
