i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
