Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
