stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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