end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
