Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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