OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
