In the future we'll all be gay
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
