i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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