I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
