is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
