just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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