I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
40s are totally the cure
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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