remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my liver is dry heaving
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
